Matthew 10:34-36 - “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.”

Mark 3:31-35 - And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”

In the United States today, there is a strong stream of conservative evangelicals who believe that the family (more specifically, the nuclear family) is essentially the hope of the world. If the families of the U.S. would just pull their act together, the whole world would look at us and their hearts would be changed. Not to be contentious, but I think we really need to think about what this means.

Jesus’ words in these two passages are not blasted on the airwaves of Christian radio, not put on t-shirts or coffee mugs, and certainly aren’t used in wedding ceremonies. The whole point of a wedding is to let two happy people touch each other without guilt, right? Maybe that’s exaggerating, but maybe we need to reconsider what the purpose of marriage is, and what the purpose of a family really is.

Please don’t misunderstand me. My point here is not to make light of the call men have to lead their families, the call women have to serve their husbands, or the call children have to obey their parents. I don’t believe pondering these ideas will have any negative affect on any of that. Actually, seeing the biblical picture of family should motivate us toward maturity in those areas as well.

Something my wife and I have been talking about lately is the fact that marriage is a symbol. And, as all symbols do, when the reality is present, the symbol is no longer necessary. What reality does marriage point to? We’ve most likely read the passage from Ephesians 5, but to summarize, it basically tells us that marriage is a picture, a symbol, of Christ and the Church. I believe the concept of marriage was created by God to be a constant reminder of this (among other things).

So, I agree with Gary Thomas, that the point of marriage is not to make each other happy, but to make each other holy. If you miss that before or during your marriage, you’re in for, literally, one hell of a marriage. But, I think this also applies to all relationships as well, in different ways. We aren’t called to simply “hang out with one another,” but to take on the multiple “one anothers” throughout Scripture and embody those in our relationships, to the glory of God.

Paul David Tripp defines a family as a “theological learning community.” But, as Western people we tend to think of theology as primarily individual. Maybe instead of just saying it is theological (while that is true), we should say it is a missional learning community. All good theology is outward. All good knowledge leads to love of neighbor. We could also say that our homes are to be a boot camp, a training ground, for the battle. But, the war is not against flesh and blood, but against the world’s way of life that is contrary to the way of the Kingdom.

We have to recognize that our lives are short. Before we know it, our boys will be off on their own and hopefully leading their own families. But, if we don’t have a good idea of what we’re supposed to be doing here and now, we’ll be responsible for damaging what has the potential to be beautiful.

In Rodney Clapp’s book, “Families at the Crossroads,” he spends a great deal of time dissecting the American ideals regarding family. I don’t agree with everything he says there, but it is definitely something worth considering. If we are to be a true counter-culture, if the world is to look at us and see something “different,” we need to know what that should look like. Do we simply adopt the gods (idols) of our culture? Or, do we work hard to understand what those idols are and fight against them, in our individual lives and our communities?

I think his point here is worth pondering: “We cannot affirm that the hope of the world rests in the bosom of the biological or nuclear family… The hope of the world is in Jesus Christ, and the people called to bear witness to that hope is a people drawn from all families and all nations. It is the church… The biological family, though not at all despised or useless, is no longer the primary source of identity, support, and growth.”

I find it interesting that most Christians are pretty well prepared to say the Church is jacked up - the “beautiful mess.” But, then, when speaking about the family, we are quick to defend what is not actually true. Yes, our families should be beautiful, but they are also a mess.

Clapp says the Church is our first family. And, if we consider everything else I’ve said, that is apparent. If our marriages are only temporary signs of what is to come, if our children are not “ours” but rather are God’s property, then we had better do our best not to idolize the biological family. The blood we share eternally is not the blood of our family name but the blood that was shed for us. Jesus said it clearly, if anyone is more treasured than Himself, then that is our idol.

How else could Horatio Spafford, after the devastating death of his daughters, write the following:

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well with my soul.

So, why does this matter? I think this has several implications. But, I’ll just touch on a couple for now:

• If we so idolize the family or the individuals in a family, then we don’t need Jesus. If our dad can be perfect, or our wives can really be the Proverbs 31 woman, then why do we need a savior?
• If the world sees us as perfect (at least externally), then how can they relate to us? No one has the perfect family, so to paint a picture that the Christian family is perfect is to alienate everyone

Again, please don’t take my comments as degrading the family in any way. Just the opposite. We should strive hard to be godly individuals, godly families, and so on. But, being godly does not mean presenting the “outside of the cup” as perfect, but rather humbly pointing everything we do to Jesus. He is the hope of the world.

And, if your own personal experience happens to be anything like mine, then you are actually happy with your family. I truly enjoy my wife and my boys. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. If my love toward them is anything compared to my sentimental feelings for them, then hopefully they know that I love them. But, we are constantly reminded in Scripture that what is yet to come will far outweigh what we presently experience. For me, that is an eternal home to look forward to.